


just for a day

by kairism



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Domestic, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Minor Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23386081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kairism/pseuds/kairism
Summary: “I am Lee Taemin, your best friend, and you’re Kim Jongin,” He pointed to himself, then to Jongin. “You have anterograde amnesia, which means you won’t remember me after you fall asleep,”
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taemin
Comments: 31
Kudos: 152





	just for a day

The sun shone through the open window while the soft scent of chocolate and toast drifted through the air. His eyelids fluttered open, as his pupils struggled to adjust to the morning light. He was comfortable, laying cozily on a soft mattress, buried by a thick white blanket. When he sat up and yawned, he felt the immediate longing for warmth as the crisp morning air bit at his skin. His eyes wandered to the nightstand, where a lamp stood with a small electronic alarm, along with a small, bear shaped sticky note stuck onto its base.

“Come downstairs after brushing your teeth, breakfast is ready”

He stumbles out of bed, wincing once his bare feet made contact with the cool wooden floor. He then noticed a pair of fluffy brown slippers with another sticky note beside it.

“Wear this, you don’t like the cold”

He ran his fingers through his hair and slipped into them, feeling the immediate, mellow relief of seeping warmth as the cold disappeared. He walks slowly to the bathroom connected to the room, and flicks on the lights. His face greets him in the mirror, and he leans closer, observing his features. A strange feeling washed over him, a sense of unknown familiarity, as he stared into his own hazel eyes, trying to make sense of his surroundings. Another small sticky note was stuck on a cartoon bear cup.

“Your toothbrush”

He took it and brushed his teeth, splashing his face with water and using it to comb his hair back. His features were accentuated by the glistening water, and he got a better look at his own figure. He felt oddly satisfied with himself, the corners of his mouth turning upwards.

He shuffles out the door, taking note of each room inside the small house, and how various reminders littered the walls. There was an aching pain in his chest as he moved down the stairs, towards a kitchen where a young man was washing the dishes. 

A soft tune was being played through white speakers, one he perceived was so intimate, yet the name would just slip through his fingertips like quicksand. The man was humming to it, absentmindedly, and had yet to notice his presence. His blond hair seemed to glow under the warm morning sunrise, and his skin was fair, like a fairy or elf. Delicate movements came from his dainty wrists, even when washing soapy bubbles off dirty dishes, and his fingers seemed to move along with the melody. The sight was enchanting, like a fairytale story.

He lifted up his head to make eye contact with the still half asleep man standing at the stairway, mouth slowly turning upwards into a gentle smile.

“Jongin-ah, you woke up? Come here, I made breakfast,” He gestured to the island in the kitchen, where two dishes and drinks were laid out on. 

His body was compelled to obey this voice, he found, as he sat down sleepily on one of the chairs. There was something about it, that tugged at his chest. He reaches for a mug, about to place it to his lips, only to be stopped by the blond haired man.

“That’s mine, you don’t like coffee Jongin, you like hot chocolate in the mornings,” the man’s hands wrapped gently around the mug, fingers touching Jongin’s, sending a soft heat to blossom across the latter’s body. Jongin nodded obediently, and took a sip from the other cup. It was sweet, and he felt a look of content settle on his face as well. 

“W-Who are you?” Jongin finally spoke up, in the softest, most cautious voice he could manage. He was afraid, somehow, that no matter what he said, he would hurt the man

A dejected look flashed across the blond’s face momentarily, before it resumed its former smile.

“I am Lee Taemin, your best friend, and you’re Kim Jongin,” He pointed to himself, then to Jongin. “You have anterograde amnesia, which means you won’t remember me after you fall asleep,” He says softly, reaching out to touch Jongin’s hair, but retracting his hand at the last moment. Jongin blinked, wondering why Taemin’s eyes held a sea of emotions when his face only displayed a light grin.

“Lee Taemin, my best friend,” Jongin repeats to himself. Somehow the words stung his tongue as they left his mouth. The way the name rolled off his tongue was smooth, but the statement left a bad taste behind. He took another taste of hot chocolate, yet it didn’t fade away.

“That’s right, we live together, and it’s friday, which means I have work at the café,” Taemin sits down beside him. “You usually come with me on fridays, then we can go to the ice cream truck afterwards,” Taemin whispered, taking a bite of toast, not breaking eye contact. 

His words sounded so familiar, like he’s heard it a million times before, but Jongin just couldn’t bring his mind to piece together the instances, so he just nodded, eating his own chocolate covered toast. He liked the sweetness.

“Unless you don’t want to come today?” Taemin asks quietly, drinking his coffee while turning down the music on the speakers. 

“I want to come,” Jongin finds himself saying. 

Taemin’s eyes lit up slightly at his words, and he finished the rest of his toast. “I’m glad that hasn’t changed,” he gave a slight giggle, one that made Jongin’s chest tighten with unbridled joy. He could only sit as Taemin disappeared up the stairs to then reappear with a brush and a set of clothes.

“You always have really bad bed hair,” Taemin laughed, stroking Jongin’s head affectionately. 

Jongin felt Taemin’s fingers and brush rub against his scalp, sending small tremors down his spine. He enjoyed the sensations thoroughly, leaning into Taemin’s touch. If Jongin had turned around at that moment, he would’ve seen the longing look on the other man’s face.

“There, all better, get dressed Jonginnie, we need to head out,” Taemin handed him a button down and black jeans. 

Jongin nods, taking the clothes and starting to take off his current ones. He looked at Taemin expectantly, waiting for the smaller man to leave the room, but he just stared. 

“Taemin?” He tried, snapping the blond out of his trance.

“Oh right, sorry,” he mumbled, rushing up the stairs again.

Jongin had just finished changing, when Taemin came, clad with a white blouse and black pants. He marveled at the sight of him, wondering how he could make such a simple outfit look so amazing. Jongin had to peel his eyes off him, and Taemin seemed to be in the same state.

“Let’s get going Jongin,” Taemin breathed, taking him by the arm and guiding him out the door. Jongin felt this inexplicable trust towards the man holding him. It was strange, really, because Taemin could tell him anything and he would believe it. He didn’t know if it was because of his condition, or because of how fast his heart races when he’s blessed with the mere sight of him. 

“My best friend,” he whispers under his breath, causing Taemin to turn to look at him. 

“Are you okay Nini?” He asks worriedly, seeming to not hear what the taller had said. 

The nickname came out so naturally, Jongin’s ears were used to it. He knew that deep in his subconscious, he’s heard it numerous times, so many, that it now brought him comfort and ease. He loved the way Taemin said it.

“Mhm, I’m fine,” he reaffirms, seeing the look of relief wash over Taemin’s features.

“I’m glad,” He mummers, intertwining their arms tighter, as if worried Jongin would suddenly disappear. “You know,” Taemin gave him a distant smile, “Before, you were really talkative, in fact, it would be impossible to shut you up at times, it was… cute,” He cut himself off, as if reminiscing about the past. “We’d have the most random conversations, but, I don’t know, it was like… flying,” he swallowed thickly, peeking back at Jongin, to see what expression he was wearing in response.

Jongin could feel the pressure in his chest, the drowning feeling he couldn’t escape from. Seeing the broken look on Taemin’s face made him wish he could remember everything from the past, even the stupid or sad things, because then, at least he could relight the hope in Taemin’s eyes again. He could see it, but it was a small match instead of a raging forest fire, it was so close to extinguishing. It broke his heart, even when he couldn’t remember why his body reacted this way. He forced his dry mouth open.

“What did I do? Before..this, what was my job?” Jongin asked softly.

“You were an author, a fantastic one… you had these, wonderful ideas, you were like the sun,” Taemin spoke, voice laced with the utmost adoration. Jongin felt envious, it was as if Taemin was talking about a completely different person while Jongin was standing right beside him. It was ridiculous, but the feeling of longing still hovered. 

Jongin shook his head. “Taemin is the amazing one, I’m sure that’s what I would’ve thought back then, because that’s what I feel right now,” He shifted his arm out of Taemin’s hold, and wrapped it around the smaller’s shoulders. He couldn’t explain why he did it, but it felt natural. Taemin fit so perfectly within his embrace, and he could feel the blond instantly relaxing against him. This was probably normal to the old Jongin and Taemin. He was oddly jealous of his younger self. The one who was able to create such memories with Taemin and retain them without needing to be retold day after day.

The rest of the walk was calm, almost serene, with Taemin pointing out locations they used to visit, and places they ate at, or areas they would just sit and listen to music while Jongin wrote his book. He honestly was curious about his books now, almost as curious as he was about him and Taemin's story. 

He wondered how best friends could stay together for such a long time, and why Taemin remembered so many little details about him when he couldn't himself. Why Taemin cared about him so much when he didn’t have the capacity to do so back, and why the blond looked so sad when he is reminded in the morning about how Jongin had no recollection of their memories. 

"Here we are!" Taemin gestures at a small café in a street corner. It was very rustic, a contrast to the urban malls and stores surrounding it. Flower baskets hung beside the door on a small wooden patio, and cute, round tables were situated all around. 

Although the style was different, it was packed with customers, either taking their time with small pastries, or packing them to go with a hot drink. Jongin loved the feeling of the place, it had the same smell as his and Taemin's shared home, one that brought him comfort and peace. 

"I'll fix you a hot chocolate and muffin," Taemin grinned cheerily, leading Jongin behind the counter. 

"Oh? Jongin came today? Haven't seen him in weeks!" A short, pink haired man greeted them with a pleasant smile. 

"Jongin, this is Jonghyun, he's a part-time barista here, we all went to the same university together," Taemin introduced. 

"Nice to meet you… again," Jongin adds quickly, earning a small laugh from Jonghyun. 

"I was getting kinda worried not seeing you, what made you come today?" he cocked his head. 

"I don't know… I just saw Taemin… I wanted to come," Jongin mumbled. 

Taemin's eyes widened for a second before exchanging glances with Jonghyun. Jongin could see the soft rosy blush on his cheeks, and he felt joy in knowing he was the one that painted it there.

"Well, I still have your laptop from last time, here, all charged, take a look at it, maybe you'll recognize some of it," Jonghyun handed him a thin microsoft surface that Jongin received graciously. 

"Thank you," He smiled. 

"Jongin, you can sit here behind the counter, I'll grab something warm okay?" Taemin guided him to a tall stool. 

"Okay," Jongin agreed, opening his laptop to be greeted by a login screen with the icon being a picture of him and Taemin hugging being taken by a third person. They looked so happy in that one frame, Taemin's eyes crinkled into small crescents and Jongin looked like he had the entire world in his arms. He didn't realize he was peering so closely at the picture until Jonghyun's voice cut him out of his trance. 

"That was 2 years ago on Taemin's birthday," he chuckled, "Kibum took the picture, he's my boyfriend, and your friend from english literature.'' 

"When did my condition start?" Jongin couldn't stop himself from blurting out.

“I… don’t think I should burden you again with something you’ll just forget again tomorrow,” Jonghyun spoke lightly, but it still felt like a slap on the cheek to Jongin.

"Here you are! Hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin!" Taemin placed the two items on the table. He noticed the lit up laptop screen, "Oh, the password! Here it is," he took a pen and notepad out of his pocket and scribbled something down before taking it and sticking it on the edge of the laptop screen. 

Jongin wondered if Taemin always keeps those sticky notes on his person. He put in so much effort, and never got anything in return. Jongin swallowed painfully. Taemin probably knew about his condition better than anyone, and chose not to say anything about it. He probably wanted Jongin to be happy every day, because he'd practically be a different person each time he woke up. 

He reached out to Taemin's hand and gave it a little squeeze. The blond gave him a broken smile and instead wrapped him in a tight hug. Jongin returned it graciously. 

"Don't worry Jongin, I'll always take care of you no matter what," Taemin whispered in his ear. 

Jongin nodded, knowing that he meant every word.

The password, he saw, was 01141994. 

"That's your birthday," Taemin laughed, kissing the top of his head. "You were always kinda a narcissist,'' he commented before taking off to help a customer.

Jongin scoffed, trying to ignore the tingling sensation where Taemin's lips touched his skin, typing in the numbers, and noticing his own rapid typing speed. His hands were used to this, he knew this. He was good at this. 

His wallpaper was him and Taemin again, but this time, he noticed a small silver band that sat on each of their index fingers. He looked down on his hand but saw that there was nothing there. He frowned.

They seemed equally as happy in this photo as the last, but slightly older.

"That was one of your good days, you remembered everything," Jonghyun rubbed his shoulder. 

"I have good days?" Jongin questioned hopefully.

“You had good days up to about half a year ago,” Jonghyun winced at his own words, and noticed the sad expression that settled on Jongin’s face. “Hey, don’t give up hope yet, you can still get through this, I mean, you already went through hell,” he patted him on the back.

Jongin didn’t know what Jonghyun meant, but decided that it was probably for the better anyways. He let the pink haired man get back to work and noticed a folder on his desktop labeled “logs.” He clicked on it, but it was password protected. He tried the laptop passcode, but it didn’t work. He must’ve created it when he could still remember, Jongin thought to himself. Perhaps Taemin knew.

“Taemin-ah,” Jongin called faintly, catching the attention of the blond. He hurriedly rushed over.

“What happened? Do you feel okay?” He placed his hands on Jongin’s shoulders.

“I’m okay, don’t worry, do you know the password to this?” Jongin pointed to the screen. 

Taemin peered at the folder name, and shook his head. “I never asked for that password, I think you created it for your books, and you didn’t like sharing drafts until they were published.”

“Alright, that’s okay,” Jongin gave him a grateful smile. 

Taemin left the counter, and Jongin decided to open a notepad entry. Maybe it was the fact that he was an author before, or maybe it was the lingering feeling of doubt left in his mind, but he wanted to write down all the little details that happened today, for the him tomorrow to see, and retain. He took a deep breath, and started typing.

When he was done, he found himself munching on the muffin and downing his hot chocolate. His eyes wandered to the locked folder, but no matter how much he tried to rack his mind, he couldn’t come up with any semblance of a password. Soon it was the end of Taemin’s shift. Before the blond made his way to the counter, Jongin closed the tab, saving it on the desktop as simply “for me.”

“Are you ready to go? The ice cream truck is there every friday,” Taemin gave him a nudge, and Jongin got up quickly, with his laptop under his arm. “Haha, you can never really part with that thing huh? It’s your baby,” Taemin laughed, pointing at the device. Jongin felt a statement stuck at the back of his throat, but he couldn’t remember the words, so he just nodded.

Taemin flashed a smile, masking something else under it. Jongin bit his lip.

As they walked along the street, and into a park, Jongin tried his best to remember his surroundings and details so he could log them all on his notepad when they got home, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off Taemin's figure. The blond seemed carefree, yet chained down, happy, yet sorrowful. He was an enigma to Jongin, and it drew him in.

“Look! There it is!” Taemin pointed excitedly at the ice cream truck, where a nice-looking old man was handing out a strawberry cone to a young girl. He took Jongin’s hand and dragged him over.

“Oh! Taemin! Jongin! I haven’t seen you two in a while, same thing?” The old man chuckled, waiting for a response.

“Yep! One chocolate and one vanilla!” Taemin chirped, handing over a 10 dollar bill. 

“Here you are,” the man handed Jongin the chocolate one and Taemin the vanilla. 

Jongin wondered how he ever got this addicted to chocolate, that every single thing he consumed had it in it. He didn’t complain though, because his body nearly screamed happiness when he licked the cone. Although he didn’t understand why, he knew he loved it.

That night, he sat in bed, typing down all the things he found important that happened that day. But he realized everything he wrote related to Taemin in one way or the other. He pondered as to why the blond left such a large mark on his life, and why his heart ached whenever he saw his face. He took the sticky note that originally read “Come downstairs after you brush your teeth, breakfast is ready,” and wrote on it “after laptop” and stuck it back on the lamp.

He yawned and turned off the lights, letting sleep take him, knowing that tomorrow, he would again have to meet Taemin for the first time. At least then, he would be more prepared.

When he was drifting off, he felt the mattress dip, and realized that Taemin had slipped into bed with him. He could feel his gaze on him, but his limbs were already numb. He knew he should’ve got up, do anything he could to remember this, but he no longer had the strength to write it down.

Jongin woke up in the morning, and noticed a laptop sitting on the nightstand, with the note “Come downstairs after you brush your teeth, breakfast is ready, after laptop” stuck onto a lamp base. He fumbled for the device, and opened it hazily. His eyes squinted and he typed in the password written on another sticky note stuck into the screen.

“for me” Jongin mused, clicking the notepad open.

“July 15th 2020, 

Taemin is my best friend, he has soft golden hair, is slightly shorter than me, and knows everything about me. I can trust him, and I like him. I’m Kim Jongin, my birthday is January 14 1993, meaning I’m 26 this year. I like chocolate flavoured things, and I hate coffee and the cold. Taemin usually picks out my outfits, and for some reason most of my belongings are bear-related. I like putting my arm around Taemin. Taemin works at a café, and likes coffee, but he also likes vanilla ice cream. Jonghyun also works there part time, he is my friend from university, and has a boyfriend named Kibum whom I met in english literature. I’m an author. I celebrated Taemin’s birthday with them two years ago. I have anterograde amnesia, meaning I forget about everything when I wake up next morning. I am starting a journal here. I didn’t tell Taemin I would be keeping this journal, keep this to myself.

Questions:  
Taemin was listening to a song when I came downstairs today, what song is it?  
My heart hurts when I see Taemin, what is my relationship with him?  
There is a locked folder on this laptop labeled ‘logs,’ what is the password?  
Why do I have anterograde amnesia?”

Jongin frowned. Who was this Taemin that he seemed so entranced by? And wasn’t it already established that they were best friends? What did he mean by “what is my relationship with him?” He shook his head, placing the laptop back down. He shivered, feeling the morning cold start to settle in and he quickly put on the slippers beside the bed. He sighed, shuffling into the bathroom and using the toothbrush labeled “Your toothbrush.”

When he walked downstairs, the melody he remembered from the note flowed through the air. He held his breath as a blond boy came to view. This was Taemin, he repeated to himself. But the him from yesterday told him to keep it to himself, so he kept silent. 

Taemin looked up, and smiled, the kind that would light up Jongin’s entire world, and suddenly he realized why he was so entranced by the boy. He was like an angel, with a soft white sweater, rolled up to his elbows and messy blond hair that perfectly framed his face. 

“Good morning Jongin,” He called cheerfully, pulling out a chair from the kitchen island. Jongin walked towards him and sat down, seeing the pancakes with strawberries and cream in front of him, with two cups of brown liquid.

“Good morning,” Jongin whispered, taking a cup and sniffing it for an indicator of a strong coffee smell, and taking a sip when realizing it was hot chocolate. Looks like he could trust the laptop notes, because when he caught a whiff of the thick sweet scent his senses welcomed it.

Taemin seemed to be observing his every move, and had a look of surprise when he saw him smelling the drink. He seemed to brush it aside for now.

“I am Lee Taemin, your best friend, and you’re Kim Jongin,” He pointed to himself, then to Jongin. “You have anterograde amnesia, which means you won’t remember me after you fall asleep,” He says, clearly indicating that this phrase was said many, many times before.

I know, Jongin wanted to say, but held his tongue. He nodded.

“Today is saturday, which means I have a day off from the café. I wanted to go to the aquarium today to relax,” Taemin grinned, taking a bite out of his own pancakes. “Does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah, I would love that,” Jongin rasps, taking a knife and fork, slicing into his breakfast.

“Yay, belugas,” Taemin laughed, a sound that sounded euphonic in Jongin’s ears. He couldn’t help smiling fondly as Taemin began to skip away. Suddenly he stood up.

“Taemin!” He called, a bit too abruptly, causing the blond to turn around and walk back carefully. 

“Yeah?” He cocked his head with a complicated expression. “Do you still want to come?”

“Yeah, I definitely still want to come, I just wanted to ask, what song is this?” Jongin asked curiously.

Taemin’s eyes lit up at the question, and he answered without skipping a beat. “Before our Spring, it’s a song that Jonghyun wrote for our-my birthday a couple years ago, you said it’s your favourite one he’d ever written,” He stumbled with his words, and Jongin noted that down. Taemin anxiously raked his fingers through his blond hair, making it even more messy than before, but Jongin felt that it only made him even more adorable. 

“I like it,” Jongin stood up with a sweet smile, causing Taemin to reciprocate the action. 

Taemin’s expressions and words were like chocolate, sweet, smooth, and Jongin’s favourite thing in the entire world. Somehow, even though he couldn’t remember what exactly happened yesterday, he understood why he was questioning their relationship. 

“I like it too, now come! It’s warm today, so we can ditch the jackets, what should you wear today hmm?” Taemin grinned, running upstairs. Jongin closely followed, and looked into the room where Taemin disappeared into to find him humming while searching various racks of clothing. It was an entire room, dedicated to clothes. The blond seemed surprised to see Jongin in the doorway, and picked out a white t-shirt with a small bear design on the front and ripped jeans. 

“Here you go!” He sang, placing the clothes in Jongin’s arms. 

“Did I really like bears?” Jongin raised a brow.

“Mhm! You started liking them after you won a small pink one at the fair,” Taemin made a small hand motion to indicate the size of the small plushie. “We spent like 30 dollars the claw machine and you finally won one,” he laughed, then gestured at the clothes “and you were quite the fashionista.”

“They are all mine?” Jongin gasped, scanning the room in disbelief.

“Yep, well, I still steal them,” He placed a finger to his lips. It was as if a silent voice was saying “it’s not like you’ll remember anyways.” It stung, but Jongin shook it off.

Jongin laughed. “Let’s go to the aquarium now, okay?” He murmured, wrapping an arm around Taemin’s shoulder. He was almost surprised by how nice it felt, it did feel right, the him from yesterday really hit a mark with it. 

Taemin seemed to realize something as well, but he simply avoided eye contact and they walked down the stairs out the door. 

When they entered the aquarium, Taemin was filled with newfound excitement. He pranced around each tank and exhibit, pointing out each marine animal and blurting out random facts. Jongin laughed along, letting himself be dragged from room to room, marveling at the fluorescent colours of jellyfish, and the magnificence of manta rays.

“I really like this place,” Taemin cooed, unconsciously taking Jongin’s hand and pulling him towards a door leading outside. Jongin, in response, held on tighter as they were greeted by a large open pool.

“Which exhibit is this?” Jongin pondered, gazing into the clear water. 

“Beluga!” Taemin grinned, using his free hand to point to a white blob swimming towards them. 

Jongin felt Taemin physically tremble with excitement when facing the cute beluga who decided to pop out of the water. 

“Isn’t she cute? This is Juliette, there is another beluga named Romeo but he’s a bit more shy,” Taemin introduced happily. “You always liked Romeo though, you fed him fish at one point,” he gestured at another whale underneath the water. “Romeo likes you too! Go greet him!” 

Jongin took some steps to the water’s edge, and Romeo slowly revealed himself. Jongin felt his heart surge with inexplicable pride as he kneeled down and held out a hand and Romeo nuzzled it. 

“See Jongin, you’re awesome,” Taemin whispered, kneeling down with him to pet Juliette. The sight of Taemin crouching down into a little ball and smiling fondly at Juliette made Jongin’s stomach do flips, and he wanted to preserve it. But he still had to find out.

“Taemin, how did I become like this?” Jongin asked quietly, still stroking Romeo’s nose. 

Taemin tensed up beside him, and a moment of silence ensued between them. It felt like an eternity before Taemin spoke up again.

“You got into a car accident,” Taemin says simply, looking at the beluga but appearing more distant. “A bad one, when you woke up, you could still remember me, but the doctors said it may change at any given time.”

“And it changed,” Jongin muttered, angry at his own body for its incompetence. He remembered, but he gave it all up. The urge to punch himself grew.

“Yeah, one day it just all went away,” Taemin whispered sadly. His voice seemed to crumble as he pronounced each syllable.

Jongin turned around and wrapped Taemin into the tightest embrace he could manage. He felt the blond shake in his arms, wrapping his own around Jongin’s waist. Slight dampness seeped onto Jongin’s chest, but he didn’t dare let go.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin felt his own eyes prickle with hot tears. He felt unimaginable pain as he bit his lip, trying to contain his tears. Taemin sniffled, hot breath fanning on Jongin’s exposed neck as he shifted in their hug. 

“Don’t say that…it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault...” Taemin repeated, teary eyes meeting with Jongin’s own bloodshot ones.

“Of course it’s not your fault,” Jongin shook his head, “You had no control over it.” He let Taemin cry his heart out, whispering “it’s okays” and “I’m heres,” soothingly into the blond’s ear.

“No… you don’t understand” Taemin sobbed, “I was driving.”

That night, Jongin pulled out his laptop again, eyeing the folder labeled “logs” as he deleted the first and last questions. He still has yet to receive an answer for the other two, but somewhere in his gut, he knew the answer as he stared at his wallpaper, of him and Taemin wearing matching rings. But he couldn’t confirm it. He typed his entry for the day, and closed the laptop shut.

His thoughts wandered on the subject of the accident. He would never blame Taemin for what happened, and one look at the despair on the blond’s face would show how much he regretted what happened. And he was prepared to spend every single day for the rest of his life repenting. Jongin let his eyelashes flutter closed, digesting the information. 

As he turned the lights off and snuggled into his sheets, he felt a shadow over him. He knew who it was, but he feigned sleep. A breath ghost over his mouth and his own hitched. His eyes desperately wanted to open, but he forced them shut.

Soft lips pressed onto his, and Jongin felt butterflies flutter in his stomach. He unknowingly reached up, not yet opening his eyes and pulled at Taemin’s shirt, dragging him on top of him, kissing him deeper. Their bodies connected, and he felt Taemin gasp, yet still allowing Jongin to assault his mouth. Taemin moaned breathily, tangling his fingers into Jongin’s hair and tugging at it, releasing a new wave of sensations on Jongin’s body.

Jongin finally opened his eyes, and was met with a breathless, messy haired, drop dead gorgeous blond man, flushed and seemingly embarrassed.

“Taemin… you’re not just my friend are you,” Jongin whispered.

“It doesn’t matter anymore baby, you won’t remember this when you wake up,” Taemin kissed him again, voice cracking as the sentence finishes. 

“Why is this a secret?” Jongin mumbled, watching as Taemin’s bangs covered his eyes, letting only one tear escape down his face, the wetness dropping onto Jongin’s cheek.

“You wouldn’t understand, I can’t have such thick skin and tell you every morning that you love me, or loved me, I-I can’t anymore it fucking hurts too much, but,” Taemin collapsed against his body entirely, “this is okay, as long as you’re Kim Jongin, this is enough for me.”

Jongin swallowed thickly, wanting to grab his laptop and write this down, but he couldn’t let go of Taemin who was slowly unraveling down in his arms.

“July 16th 2020,

I got into a car accident that led to my current condition(It is not Taemin's fault even if he says it is). I love clothes, I have a whole room of them(Taemin steals from that room too! It’s okay, I’m sure I would’ve let him). My love for bears came from when I won one in a fair with Taemin. The song that plays in the morning is called “Before our Spring,” Jonghyun wrote it for Taemin’s birthday a while back, and it’s my favourite song. Taemin loves the aquarium, especially the beluga whales named Romeo and Juliette(Romeo likes me). He cried today, when he explained how I got amnesia, and it made me want to wrap him up in blankets and cuddle him. He’s going to say we are best friends, but I’m pretty sure we are more. Although I have no memories, my body remembers his touch. 

Questions  
My heart hurts when I see Taemin, what is my relationship with him?  
There is a locked folder on this laptop labeled ‘logs,’ what is the password?”

Jongin read the two previous entries carefully, noting down all the little details he needed to remember. He wasn’t supposed to tell Taemin he knew these things, but Jongin couldn’t help but feel curious. He licked his lips, tasting a faint wisp of vanilla. But he liked chocolate. Taemin liked vanilla. However, it was too early to assume things, so he decided to head downstairs to meet Taemin first.

He was met by the kitchen, but there was only a note present at the scene. 

“Your name is Kim Jongin, I am Lee Taemin, your best friend. We live together, so don’t try and leave the condo. I’m out to buy groceries right now, but I picked up something from the café I work at. Eat up! It’s a chocolate croissant, trust me, you really like it. There is also a cup of hot chocolate, but I’m not sure if it’s still warm. You can microwave it if it isn’t. I’ll be back soon, so don’t worry too much okay? The house is all yours! Do whatever your heart desires, but don’t you dare get hurt! 

xoxo~ Taemin"

Jongin found himself grinning ear to ear while reading the note. The messy handwriting and cute breakfast set up warmed his heart. He tried to imagine what kind of person would have written this, but his brain just wouldn’t piece it together. He groaned, deciding to first finish the meal and wash the dishes.

“Password,” he mumbled, reminding himself of the question he has yet to find the answer to. No matter how much he racked his mind, he couldn’t think of any possible combination. “Why can’t my brain do anything right?” Jongin despaired, pulling at his hair desperately, hoping for something, anything, to come to him. But nothing came.

He decided on waiting for Taemin to come back, maybe seeing him would spark some memories. For now, he would explore the house a bit more.

He wandered up the stairs, and saw that each room was labeled by little bear sticky notes. “I guess I really do have a thing for bears huh?” Jongin smiled, admiring the adorable notes. He saw a room labeled “Jongin’s office” and raised a brow. “That’s right, I was an author,” Jongin nodded, opening the room door. 

The room was spotless, very clean and tidy, with shelves full of books and a single white desk facing the windowsill. On the desk sat a little flower and notebook. He picked up the notebook and ran his fingers over the smooth leather. Opening it, he could barely read what was written because it was so messy, it definitely wasn’t Taemin’s writing, it was his own. He tried to make it out, but he could only get bits and pieces. He sighed, how could he not recognize his own writing anymore?

From the parts he was able to read, he gathered phrases like “his skin glowed under the soft red light” or “his lips hovered above the other, as if challenging him to make a move.” He came to a realization that this was probably a draft of one of his previously written stories. Or maybe the one he never got to finish before the accident. He placed the journal back, and walked around the room, observing every inch that he could see.

His collection consisted mainly of fantasy and romance novels, he found, as books like “City of Bones” and “Carry on” were present. He had to read the summaries to gather what each one was about. He wondered if he had previously read all these books before, or maybe Taemin had bought a couple of them. Oddly, he couldn’t find any books that he wrote himself.

As he walked out the room, he saw another door with the note “Taemin’s magic closet<3”

He laughed at the little heart and opened the door to reveal an extremely messy room. It was a huge contrast to his clean office he had just been in. Magazines and novels were scattered across the floor, and clothes were randomly tossed on the couch. The overwhelming scent of vanilla filled Jongin’s nostrils, but he quickly noticed that despite this being the only room with Taemin’s name on it, it had no bed. 

“He sleeps with me,” Jongin realized. They were definitely more than just friends. He saw a low table in front of the couch, and in the middle was a pristine box. In fact, the area around it had been cleared out, and it made it seem like it shouldn’t belong in such an environment.

He carefully opened it, and saw that there was a single, silver ring in it. Jongin’s mind processed a million thoughts. Where had he seen it before? He wondered hopelessly, racking his thoughts for any clues or hints. He couldn’t remember. He carefully took the ring out of the box, and stared at it long and hard, before noticing an engraving on it.

“07182011”

“What do these numbers mean?” Jongin whispered to himself. “0, 718, 2011, no, 07,18, 2011, it’s a date!” Jongin breathed. July 18th, 2011. It definitely wasn’t the year he or Taemin was born, so it wouldn’t have been a birth year, and it was engraved on a ring. He couldn’t think straight, but slid the ring onto his finger. Perfect fit, like it had been made for him. He carefully put it into his pocket.

By the time he settled down in front of the tv, the front door opened.

“Jongin! I’m home!” A voice called, panting slightly.

Jongin rushed to go help Taemin, who seemed to be drowning under various bags of all shapes and sizes.

“I bought so much food haha, enough to last us an entire month!” Taemin grinned cheekily.

“Did you buy popcorn?” Jongin asked teasingly, taking some off his hands “because I just put on pirates of the carribean and it would be a shame to watch it without.”

Taemin beamed, pulling out 2 bags. “Caramel, and cheese,” he spoke proudly, setting the other things on the counter. As he leaned over to sort the items out, Jongin noticed a necklace falling out from under his shirt. It hung loosely on his neck, but at the end, it had a glistening silver band. The matching ring to the one Jongin found earlier in Taemin’s room. 

“Anniversary,” Jongin’s eyes widened.

“What?” Taemin looked up.

“That ring. It’s an anniversary ring, isn’t it?” Jongin pointed at the necklace. “Our anniversary ring.”

Taemin dropped the apple he was holding onto and ran towards Jongin as fast as he could. “What did you say?” He demanded, gripping his forearm tightly, searching for any answer he could find.

“I don’t- I Taemin, we aren’t simply best friends aren’t we?” Jongin pulled him closer, so that their chests were touching. He could feel Taemin’s heartbeat, beating fast, matching his own.

“You don’t remember, of course, I didn’t expect you to,” Taemin bit his lip, letting Jongin grip onto his waist.

“July 18th, 2011, the day we got together,” Jongin whispered.

“Yeah, you asked me out on my birthday,” Taemin smiled bitterly,”9 years ago.”

His own birthday is January 14th 1994, and his laptop password is 01141994. “Password,” Jongin states, pulling Taemin’s wrist, dragging him upstairs to the laptop, mind racing as he realized what he was missing before.

He sat Taemin down on their bed and nervously unlocked the laptop, clicking on the folder. “07182011” He mouthed to himself as his fingers pressed on each key. It worked. Suddenly, pictures and texts appeared before them, dozens upon dozens of paragraphs and memoirs appeared on laptop screen. Jongin tried his best to skim through them quickly.

“I feel like my memory is getting worse, Taemin is constantly having to remind me of the most trivial things, like where I keep my journal, or which day it is. I can tell he’s worried about me, ever since the accident, things have been getting more blurry for me. I really hope this doesn’t progress any further, otherwise I cannot finish my book or make Taemin smile anymore”

“Today I almost got lost on my way back home, I couldn’t remember which turn to take and took an extra 30 minutes. Taemin was really scared, he immediately jumped on me when I came back. I can’t stand to make him cry, so I just told him I had to spend some extra time at the library. I don’t think he really believes me”

“Taemin still thinks it’s his fault I’m like this now. I can’t find a way to convince him it isn’t, he’s hurting, and I can’t do anything. I’m so useless.”

“Remember:  
Kim Jonghyun- that one sappy cotton candy head that writes cheesy romance songs for his boyfriend  
Kim Kibum- the boyfriend that receives the cheesy romance songs by the sappy cotton candy head  
Park Chanyeol- whipped teenager that can’t confess to that boy down the road, occasionally visits at the café to pick up an americano for said boy  
Do Kyungsoo- my editor, really mean at work but a soft penguin outside of it”

“I’m 25 years old this year, I’m an author, I like chocolate, teddy bears, and Lee Taemin”

“Remember: Lee Taemin- the beautiful blond boy that sleeps beside you, the love of your life, and the one you will never forget”

“I can’t remember anymore, I’ll write the password to this on a note, but Taemin is coming out of the shower now, so I’ll do it tomorrow”

Taemin was full on sobbing by the end of it, clutching onto Jongin’s shirt like it was the end of the world. Jongin put down his laptop and cradled the boy like he was the most precious thing in the universe and stroked his hair soothingly. His head was spinning, and he had to lay against the pillows and headboard to stay in one position. He could imagine his own heartbreak as he wrote each word desperately, trying to prevent his mind from falling apart, it was as if he was there. His breath hitched.

“We were driving to Chanyeol’s, a year ago on Valentines day, to try and make him go out and have a double date with us and Baekhyun,” A thousand thoughts rushed to Jongin’s head like a tsunami. “We were rushing, we had reservations,” he spoke slowly, trying to ignore the pinching feeling by the side of his head from the sudden recollection of events. He gritted his teeth. “I remember,” he mumbled, still rubbing circles on Taemin’s back.

Taemin looked up, completely shattered yet still clinging onto that spiderweb of hope. “Jongin?” He croaked, as Jongin fished out the ring from his pocket and placed it on his index finger once again.

“We met in kindergarten,when you introduced me to your group of friends because I was new in the neighbourhood” Jongin hugged Taemin tighter, as he tried harder to disperse the fog that had set on his mind. “You had a boyfriend named Minho in your first year of high school, but I hated him so you eventually broke it off, but in reality, I was just jealous,” his eyes widened. “I-I asked you out on your birthday because you announced that you had been accepted to a university abroad and that was my last chance to tell you how I felt,” Jongin felt himself laugh hysterically, he could remember, he remembered everything. Every small detail that was shrouded in mystery became clear to him. 

Taemin was speechless, but he immediately kissed him hard, sucking on his bottom lip, licking at his mouth desperately, to confirm he wasn’t dreaming and that Jongin was real and in front of him. Jongin responded hastily, opening his mouth and running his fingers up Taemin's spine, savouring every little tremor his body gave. 

"Oh my god… Jongin, Jongin, y-you really remember me, y-you fuck I can't-" Taemin cried, kissing down his neck frantically, cheeks still wet from the tears, but savouring every moment he had with the taller. 

"Baby…" Jongin comforted, pulling Taemin up to look him in the eye once again. "I remember everything," He smiled through the tears, wiping Taemin's away with his thumb. 

"What's my favourite colour?" Taemin asked softly. 

"You don't have one, otherwise the rest of the colours will be sad," Jongin answered with an easy grin. The look on Taemin’s face was priceless.

Taemin beamed, his smile finally reaching his eyes. "What did you name your last book?"

"I didn't, it's not finished yet," 

"Where did you buy the rings?" 

"I didn't buy them, I made them at a metalwork workshop"

"Oh my god," Taemin blurted out, holding Jongin so tight he wasn't sure if he could breathe. 

"I won't leave you alone ever again," Jongin promised, feeling his own erratic heartbeat spiral out of control. His hands wandered up Taemin's sweater, feeling every groove and muscle on the smaller's body, a sense of familiarity finally washing over him as the scent of vanilla entered his nostrils. Taemin’s body had left an imprint on his brain, he knew exactly where to touch, and where to press to make the blond lose his mind.

"I want you," Taemin moaned, unbuttoning Jongin's shirt, fumbling clumsily with each button but Jongin could only think of him. Taemin. Taemin. Taemin. He repeated in his mind over and over again. He never wanted to forget the feeling of his delicate fingers gliding over his chest, and those soft lips on his skin, leaving marks that would stay for days on end. 

Taemin looked at him with pure hunger, like he hadn’t eaten in days and Jongin was the most delicious meal layed out just for him. 

"I need you," Jongin groaned, flipping Taemin over and nearly ripping the sweater of his body. The blond's milky white skin shone under the warm sunset and Jongin left butterfly kisses down his chest, while his mouth savoured Taemin's sweet taste. Taemin’s back arched deliciously, and the sounds that left the blond’s mouth were like the songs of a siren, Jongin was completely and utterly smitten. 

He hooked his fingers onto the waistband of Taemin's sweatpants, dragging them down along with his boxers and kicking off his own pants hurriedly in the process. As his bare skin made contact with the cold air he shivered, but the heat from Taemin's body left him no room for complaints. He could feel himself hardening, as Taemin squirmed underneath him. They were both impatient, and could no longer pry their hands off each other.

"Just take me, hurry, fuck Nini do it!" Taemin almost cried, causing Jongin to open the drawer hastily for the bottle of lube they kept there. It was such a small action, and rather ridiculous, but Taemin still felt tears well up in his eyes. He remembered.

Jongin dripped the cool liquid directly onto Taemin's fluttering hole, and the blond gasped at the sudden change in temperature. 

“Shit,” Taemin rasped, feeling Jongin’s fingers circle around the ring of muscle before pushing in entirely. He shivered, letting out a breathy moan. He hadn’t felt this in a long time, but he recognized it. The adjustment was easy, they spent more time together than they did apart, after all. He gripped onto Jongin’s brown locks and forced his head down for a chaste kiss.

"You okay baby?" Jongin asked under this breath.

"Yeah… it feels amazing… I haven't done this for 7 months, since the last time…" He panted, bucking into Jongin's fingers roughly, searching for as much friction as possible, whining as the fingers curled up inside of him, scissoring relentlessly. “Yes, lord, that’s the spot,” Taemin gasped, feeling the taller rub against the wall separating his prostate from his rectum. Tears sprung to his eyes from the stimulation, and he bit his lip so hard he felt like it was going to bleed. The pleasure was unbearable.

"I can't hold it anymore," Jongin gritted his teeth, positioning himself between his legs and thrusting into Taemin heavily, grasping onto his hand as the blond's other one curled up on a blanket. 

"Fuck!" Taemin screamed, no longer used to the intrusion, but unable to stop the growing pleasure as the lube mixed in with the precum, creating the most obscene squelching noises. The skin-slapping was sinful, and Taemin wrapped his legs around Jongin's back tightly, whimpering his name with every forceful thrust inside. 

"I love you," Jongin moaned, kissing Taemin tenderly, his hips rocking into Taemin’s in a steady rhythm.

"I love you so fucking much," Taemin keened brokenly. "So much.''

“Don’t you dare wake up tomorrow and forget.”

Taemin woke up groggily, sitting up immediately when he noticed the spot next to him was empty. He swallowed, slipping on a bathrobe as he made his way down the stairs. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, but he shoved it to the side. He held his breath.

A soft tune was playing in the air, one that was smooth and soothing to Taemin’s ears. 

In the kitchen stood a tall man with gorgeous sun kissed skin. His messy brown hair made his figure even more heartwarming, and his eyes seemed to glitter under the early morning light.His plush lips were cherry red from the night before, and he let out a little yawn as he finished washing the dishes. Two plates were neatly placed on the kitchen island along with matching mugs while the brunette danced around the kitchen before noticing Taemin’s presence.

He smiled, one that made Taemin’s cheeks heat up like a schoolgirl finally gaining the courage to confess to her crush.

"Good morning Taemin, I'm Kim Jongin, your lover and roommate and luckily for us, you don't have anterograde amnesia which means you would have remembered exactly what happened yesterday when you woke up," Jongin smiled, walking over to Taemin and pulling him into a warm hug. 

Taemin could feel the tears well up again as he leaned into Jongin's warm chest. 

"Today is monday, but also July 18th, 2020,'' Jongin whispered sweetly into his ear. “Meaning it’s your birthday, and our anniversary,” He nuzzled his cheek, placing a gentle peck on the corner of his mouth. “Happy anniversary birthday boy.”

The blond gave him a smile that would put angels to shame, “Happy anniversary you teddy bear.” He held Jongin’s face between his smaller hands and sighed contently, looking into the other’s hazel eyes. “Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening,” he kissed his nose, getting a giggle from the taller. Taemin eyed the counter.

"Still can't part with your baby huh?" He nodded at the laptop.

"What are you talking about?'' Jongin pouted, ''You're my baby."

**Author's Note:**

> this took so long to put together and it turned out completely different from what I originally intended, but I think it's okay, thanks for reading!


End file.
